Friday, December 10, 2010
Live life on purpose. Intentional about loving people with the love of Christ.
Yes, this post is long, but it’s awesome to see how God works on people’s hearts! I’ve been working on writing this since November and it’s taken me a while to get it kind of the way I want it. It’s not perfect, but I’m ready to share it. *For the protection of the people that I’m writing about I’m using code names, just in case someone stumbles upon my blog*
You know those people who think that life is all about them? That once was me. NO ONE could tell me different. Life was about me, everyone around me was there to serve me! That is so awful…How could I have thought that?...Lord, please bless my parents for all the crap I put them though during that time of my extremely selfish life!...Life is most definitely NOT about me! It’s about Him-- about Knowing, Loving, Serving and Sharing about Him! At the age of 13 was when I first realized that I had this problem of self…My cousin, Cesly(she was 7), came to live with me and my family for 18 months. I had always been the only daughter and I didn’t want another little girl in my house. I had never had to share my room or share my daddy with another girl other than my mom. I was daddy’s princess and very slowly I had to learn that sometimes you are called by God to do some things you really don’t want to do. My parents kept telling me that life wasn’t all about me. Life is about helping others out who have nothing. I didn’t want to hear that! I wanted nothing to do with her, I saw her as a threat, another girl trying to take over my castle. Right before my cousin left though, I watched as the walls I built up, my castle, crumbled down. I realized this very important thing… LIFE IS NOT ABOUT ME!! My cousin was living with us because her home life was horrible and she needed a safe place to live. BECKY! What were you thinking?!? You had 18 months to be a light to your cousin and instead you shut down! What the heck is that about?!? At that moment I decided that would never happen again! I had already failed to help one child that desperately needed me and I promised from that moment on I would help as many kids as possible. This is when I made the choice that one day I would adopt! I would help the kids who no one cared for, the ones who are forgotten, the ones that have never been loved, never hugged, who have never seen what a family is suppose to look like! I felt like a failure after my cousin left, actually I STILL feel like I failed her and it’s been 8 years!
I’ve learned a lot about foster care and adoption from my second family, The C’s. They are AMAZING people who have 3 kids of their own…C1, C2, and C3. In August of 2009 they became foster parents. Goal: To care for the invisible orphans, the kids people had given up on, to give these kids a better legacy! Since August they have had 5 children come into their home, 3 boys and 2 girls. I’ve fallen in love with each of them! It broke my heart when the 3 that have gone back to their families left. I remember when the first boy, baby A, left I felt like my heart was being yanked out. How could God bring this sweet baby to us and then take him away? BECAUSE this sweet baby needed to be with someone other than his family for a little while so his parents could figure things out. After I realized this, I was a little better. I’m not saying it was easy to watch the other 2 boys leave at all. I’ll admit it…I cried for a few hours as each of them left, but you know what…they left better than they came! How awesome is that? We made a difference! A difference I should have made in my cousins life, but I failed to do so. Each child is a gift from God and their life matters! I found that I can make a difference as long as I rely on God for help. “I’m only one. But still, I am one. I cannot do everything but still, I can do something, I will not refuse to do the something I can do.” –Edward Everett Hale
Something else I’ve learned through this foster care journey is that it comes with many fears, frustrations, and MANY heart breaks! After each of the boys left I realized that there was another child out there that would soon need help. Unfortunately that also means that another family somewhere was falling apart. Children who may have never been loved, cared for, or even been given a second thought to would soon be coming. When a child would leave we would all guess how long it would take before OUR new baby would arrive, would it be a boy or a girl and how old would it be? Something I love about this is that we never knew until the call came. God always picked out the cutest kids for the C’s! I loved every moment that I was allowed to spend with them. I loved the strange looks I would get from people when I was walking around a store or taking one of the older kids to soccer practice if I had all 5 kids with me. No people, I did not have 5 children before the age of 20! It always made me laugh, especially if I had C1 (who is only 7 years younger than me). I love all these kids! The wonderful thing about Foster care is that it sometimes turns into Adoption! We got to experience this Joy in November, 1 year, 1 month and 12 days after Ky was placed in the family, Kylie Rebecca was adopted! That was one of the best days of my life by far! When Mom K called me and told me the date that Kylie would be adopted I KNEW I had to be there! I was at the C’s house the day the case worker brought Kylie. She was only 4 weeks old and so tiny! C2 and I were so excited about this new little girl that we had to go shopping right away! Almost everything we got was pink! We decided that Kylie would need bows that were the size of her head and shoes that were so tiny and cute that we had to get them. Kylie has been well dressed since the day she came that is for sure!...Back to adoption day…I had gone to Longview for the weekend that I thought would consist of going to the court house and celebrate this sweet baby’s new last name. Little did I know that Ky would also have a new middle name-Rebecca. I had no clue until the judge said Kylie Rebecca C and the C’s turned around and pointed to me that Kylie shared a name with me! I was in shock! It was so cool and in that moment of shock God pointed something out to me…I wasn’t a failure with Kylie. I realized that I hadn’t messed up like I had with my cousin when I had the chance. I was actually there for her when she needed me the most. I had done what I promised 8 years ago that I would do. I know that now I am 8 years older than I was when my cousin lived with us, so I would hope I'm a little smarter than I was back then, but its still cool how God worked on my heart.
Most people that know me know that I love when stories can be put together and there is symbolism. So here is what God put together...My uncle is black and my aunt is white, just like Ky’s biological parents so these 2 girls look a lot alike. Cesly and Kylie have the same skin and eye color. I realized this when I looked at a picture of Kylie I have in my room the other day. I’m so thankful for that little girl and all the C’s. I’m even more thankful that God gave me a second chance to make a small difference in another little girls life! One that even looks similar to my cousin!
Ive found a few scriptures that really say what I want to say…
Adoption is the reason that we can come before God’s throne and beg him for mercy, because He predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will…Ephesians 1:5. To the praise of His glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One He loves…Ephesians 1:6.
Adoption is beautiful. Adoption is hard. Adoption is the Gospel of Christ and the promise of Gods love and redemption lived out in our lives.
Adopting children isn’t optional for me. It’s not going to be my good deed of the day, it’s not going to be what I’m doing to “help these poor kids out.” I’ll adopt because God commands me to care for the orphans and widows in their distress…James1:27.I’ll adopt because everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded…Luke 12:48. I’ll adopt because whoever wants to save a life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it…Matthew 16:25.
You know those people who think that life is all about them? That once was me. NO ONE could tell me different. Life was about me, everyone around me was there to serve me! That is so awful…How could I have thought that?...Lord, please bless my parents for all the crap I put them though during that time of my extremely selfish life!...Life is most definitely NOT about me! It’s about Him-- about Knowing, Loving, Serving and Sharing about Him! At the age of 13 was when I first realized that I had this problem of self…My cousin, Cesly(she was 7), came to live with me and my family for 18 months. I had always been the only daughter and I didn’t want another little girl in my house. I had never had to share my room or share my daddy with another girl other than my mom. I was daddy’s princess and very slowly I had to learn that sometimes you are called by God to do some things you really don’t want to do. My parents kept telling me that life wasn’t all about me. Life is about helping others out who have nothing. I didn’t want to hear that! I wanted nothing to do with her, I saw her as a threat, another girl trying to take over my castle. Right before my cousin left though, I watched as the walls I built up, my castle, crumbled down. I realized this very important thing… LIFE IS NOT ABOUT ME!! My cousin was living with us because her home life was horrible and she needed a safe place to live. BECKY! What were you thinking?!? You had 18 months to be a light to your cousin and instead you shut down! What the heck is that about?!? At that moment I decided that would never happen again! I had already failed to help one child that desperately needed me and I promised from that moment on I would help as many kids as possible. This is when I made the choice that one day I would adopt! I would help the kids who no one cared for, the ones who are forgotten, the ones that have never been loved, never hugged, who have never seen what a family is suppose to look like! I felt like a failure after my cousin left, actually I STILL feel like I failed her and it’s been 8 years!
I’ve learned a lot about foster care and adoption from my second family, The C’s. They are AMAZING people who have 3 kids of their own…C1, C2, and C3. In August of 2009 they became foster parents. Goal: To care for the invisible orphans, the kids people had given up on, to give these kids a better legacy! Since August they have had 5 children come into their home, 3 boys and 2 girls. I’ve fallen in love with each of them! It broke my heart when the 3 that have gone back to their families left. I remember when the first boy, baby A, left I felt like my heart was being yanked out. How could God bring this sweet baby to us and then take him away? BECAUSE this sweet baby needed to be with someone other than his family for a little while so his parents could figure things out. After I realized this, I was a little better. I’m not saying it was easy to watch the other 2 boys leave at all. I’ll admit it…I cried for a few hours as each of them left, but you know what…they left better than they came! How awesome is that? We made a difference! A difference I should have made in my cousins life, but I failed to do so. Each child is a gift from God and their life matters! I found that I can make a difference as long as I rely on God for help. “I’m only one. But still, I am one. I cannot do everything but still, I can do something, I will not refuse to do the something I can do.” –Edward Everett Hale
Something else I’ve learned through this foster care journey is that it comes with many fears, frustrations, and MANY heart breaks! After each of the boys left I realized that there was another child out there that would soon need help. Unfortunately that also means that another family somewhere was falling apart. Children who may have never been loved, cared for, or even been given a second thought to would soon be coming. When a child would leave we would all guess how long it would take before OUR new baby would arrive, would it be a boy or a girl and how old would it be? Something I love about this is that we never knew until the call came. God always picked out the cutest kids for the C’s! I loved every moment that I was allowed to spend with them. I loved the strange looks I would get from people when I was walking around a store or taking one of the older kids to soccer practice if I had all 5 kids with me. No people, I did not have 5 children before the age of 20! It always made me laugh, especially if I had C1 (who is only 7 years younger than me). I love all these kids! The wonderful thing about Foster care is that it sometimes turns into Adoption! We got to experience this Joy in November, 1 year, 1 month and 12 days after Ky was placed in the family, Kylie Rebecca was adopted! That was one of the best days of my life by far! When Mom K called me and told me the date that Kylie would be adopted I KNEW I had to be there! I was at the C’s house the day the case worker brought Kylie. She was only 4 weeks old and so tiny! C2 and I were so excited about this new little girl that we had to go shopping right away! Almost everything we got was pink! We decided that Kylie would need bows that were the size of her head and shoes that were so tiny and cute that we had to get them. Kylie has been well dressed since the day she came that is for sure!...Back to adoption day…I had gone to Longview for the weekend that I thought would consist of going to the court house and celebrate this sweet baby’s new last name. Little did I know that Ky would also have a new middle name-Rebecca. I had no clue until the judge said Kylie Rebecca C and the C’s turned around and pointed to me that Kylie shared a name with me! I was in shock! It was so cool and in that moment of shock God pointed something out to me…I wasn’t a failure with Kylie. I realized that I hadn’t messed up like I had with my cousin when I had the chance. I was actually there for her when she needed me the most. I had done what I promised 8 years ago that I would do. I know that now I am 8 years older than I was when my cousin lived with us, so I would hope I'm a little smarter than I was back then, but its still cool how God worked on my heart.
Most people that know me know that I love when stories can be put together and there is symbolism. So here is what God put together...My uncle is black and my aunt is white, just like Ky’s biological parents so these 2 girls look a lot alike. Cesly and Kylie have the same skin and eye color. I realized this when I looked at a picture of Kylie I have in my room the other day. I’m so thankful for that little girl and all the C’s. I’m even more thankful that God gave me a second chance to make a small difference in another little girls life! One that even looks similar to my cousin!
Ive found a few scriptures that really say what I want to say…
Adoption is the reason that we can come before God’s throne and beg him for mercy, because He predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will…Ephesians 1:5. To the praise of His glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One He loves…Ephesians 1:6.
Adoption is beautiful. Adoption is hard. Adoption is the Gospel of Christ and the promise of Gods love and redemption lived out in our lives.
Adopting children isn’t optional for me. It’s not going to be my good deed of the day, it’s not going to be what I’m doing to “help these poor kids out.” I’ll adopt because God commands me to care for the orphans and widows in their distress…James1:27.I’ll adopt because everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded…Luke 12:48. I’ll adopt because whoever wants to save a life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it…Matthew 16:25.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Life is Good.
We all can see that I am no good at this blogging thing, but maybe I will get better. Just maybe.
SO whats new you may ask? Well everyday is new! This life in Dallas is new and its exciting! I have made so many new friends that its crazy! Right before I moved here I told God that this was a crazy idea! Why would he make me move to a place where I knew NO one! Not a single person! Never in my life have I liked to be alone AND I get scared of the unknown very easily! While my parents and brothers were still here helping me unpack I turned to my mom and said, "I hate this! I have never been so scared in my life! This isn't home! Take me home!" My poor mother! Now I can laugh at my silliness and say thank you Jesus! Those first few days of being alone scared me to death, but you know who never left me! Jesus! Soon after moving here He placed some AMAZING people into my life and it feels like they have always been my friends! Thats how close we are. He has used this time to help me figure out who I really am in Him, to prove to me that He is always right beside me, He has shown me more in depth what my gifts are that He has given me to grow His kingdom, He has brought many Christian friends into my life, and among many other things, He has reminded me that when I don't have a clue about what is going on I need to look at him and He will direct my steps!
He is so amazing! One night a few weeks ago there were bad storms here in Dallas. I had just walked into my house(where no one else was) when my friend Lacey called me and told me that a tornado was really close to where I was! Great! I'm alone and I don't have a tv to watch to see if I'm about to get smashed by a tornado!!! Alone and Not knowing what is going on!! I quickly gathered a few things from my upstairs bedroom and went downstairs to be where I thought I would be the safest! Lacey called and texted me with updates on what was going on. As I sat there praying my heart out to God, praying for protection over me, I felt a peace! Peace that only comes from God! Then I realized something...what about the people who aren't Christians and don't have this Peace that I'm talking about? Were they scared through the whole storm? Or were they just chillin out waiting for the storm to pass! I know there were some of both, but my heart goes out to the ones who were scared. I'm being serious, what do they do? Me being curious about this, I wanted to run to all my neighbors and tell them about Jesus and then I thought...probably not a good idea for me to go to random peoples houses in a city that I just moved to especially when there is a storm right above me! Another thing stopping me from running to all my neighbors houses is that Evangelism isn't one of my strong Gifts! I learned this while on several misssion trips, I love to let people know of God's love, but the way I do it is that I SHOW them God's love through actions...My Gifts are Hospitality, Giving, Encouraging, and Administration! Which I have been able to use since moving here. I have met many hurting people that all they wanted was for someone to listen to them, I now work with YoungLife where I get to hangout with some pretty cool teenagers, I have talked to people at school about church and why it is a good reason to be a part of one, I have even been able to help people by using my OCD organizational brain to help them organize their school binder! There are so many doors opening and they arent just cracking open, they are opening WIDE open!
Honestly I think me moving to Dallas was one of the best things that could have happened to me! Something that I saw as such a negative thing turned into such a BIG blessing!
Im just going to share the verse that I claimed as mine for my move and this transition to Dallas then I'll quit rambbling!
SO whats new you may ask? Well everyday is new! This life in Dallas is new and its exciting! I have made so many new friends that its crazy! Right before I moved here I told God that this was a crazy idea! Why would he make me move to a place where I knew NO one! Not a single person! Never in my life have I liked to be alone AND I get scared of the unknown very easily! While my parents and brothers were still here helping me unpack I turned to my mom and said, "I hate this! I have never been so scared in my life! This isn't home! Take me home!" My poor mother! Now I can laugh at my silliness and say thank you Jesus! Those first few days of being alone scared me to death, but you know who never left me! Jesus! Soon after moving here He placed some AMAZING people into my life and it feels like they have always been my friends! Thats how close we are. He has used this time to help me figure out who I really am in Him, to prove to me that He is always right beside me, He has shown me more in depth what my gifts are that He has given me to grow His kingdom, He has brought many Christian friends into my life, and among many other things, He has reminded me that when I don't have a clue about what is going on I need to look at him and He will direct my steps!
He is so amazing! One night a few weeks ago there were bad storms here in Dallas. I had just walked into my house(where no one else was) when my friend Lacey called me and told me that a tornado was really close to where I was! Great! I'm alone and I don't have a tv to watch to see if I'm about to get smashed by a tornado!!! Alone and Not knowing what is going on!! I quickly gathered a few things from my upstairs bedroom and went downstairs to be where I thought I would be the safest! Lacey called and texted me with updates on what was going on. As I sat there praying my heart out to God, praying for protection over me, I felt a peace! Peace that only comes from God! Then I realized something...what about the people who aren't Christians and don't have this Peace that I'm talking about? Were they scared through the whole storm? Or were they just chillin out waiting for the storm to pass! I know there were some of both, but my heart goes out to the ones who were scared. I'm being serious, what do they do? Me being curious about this, I wanted to run to all my neighbors and tell them about Jesus and then I thought...probably not a good idea for me to go to random peoples houses in a city that I just moved to especially when there is a storm right above me! Another thing stopping me from running to all my neighbors houses is that Evangelism isn't one of my strong Gifts! I learned this while on several misssion trips, I love to let people know of God's love, but the way I do it is that I SHOW them God's love through actions...My Gifts are Hospitality, Giving, Encouraging, and Administration! Which I have been able to use since moving here. I have met many hurting people that all they wanted was for someone to listen to them, I now work with YoungLife where I get to hangout with some pretty cool teenagers, I have talked to people at school about church and why it is a good reason to be a part of one, I have even been able to help people by using my OCD organizational brain to help them organize their school binder! There are so many doors opening and they arent just cracking open, they are opening WIDE open!
Honestly I think me moving to Dallas was one of the best things that could have happened to me! Something that I saw as such a negative thing turned into such a BIG blessing!
Im just going to share the verse that I claimed as mine for my move and this transition to Dallas then I'll quit rambbling!
Deuteronomy 31:8--"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged!"
I love you all-My Longview and My Dallas family! You are each such a blessing to my life and I thank God for you daily!
Friday, August 20, 2010
A Whole New World
Well here I am. I no longer live in Longview, I have moved about 140 miles west to Dallas, Tx! Everything here is so different and new to me. I feel like I have moved and left everyone that I love and who loves me behind. I know there are a lot of friends to be made here in Dallas, its just hard to see that at the moment. I have cried at least once a day just because in this place I feel alone. There have always been two things that scare me! Those things are being scared(of the unknown) and being alone. In this place I have both. Never in my life have I been so scared! I know living here is where I'm suppose to be and I'm doing what I'm suppose to do. I don't know why it still scares me. Psalms 46:10 says, "Be still and know that I am God" This is what my goal is. God's Love is Big! It's Extravagant! It's Unconditional! He would not send me here if he didnt have a purpose for me here. There is a plan, just at this moment I need to be still and listen and find out what my purpose is. Maybe that purpose is to lead a nonbeliever friend to the Lord, maybe it's to prove to myself that I dont need to be scared or alone, maybe its for the solo purpose of me going to school and graduating with a degree that will help several people in the US or maybe even all over the world. I don't know His reasoning for sending me here, but for the moment thats okay. When its time He will tell me and I will do whatever it is! For the moment I think he is telling me just wait, be still!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Accepted...now what??
School starts in Dallas on August 19th and today is August 1st. I have no idea what is going to happen, I still have no place to live and this is very scary to me! I know God has a plan for me, but what is the plan? Sometimes I wish he would just put a big sign in the sky saying, "Hey you-Becky- go here, you will meet these people, you will live here and you will live happily ever after" Sad thing is, that's not how life is. I'm not very good with being patient and waiting for answers. I never have been, I like to know whats going on and when it will happen. I was up till 2 this morning praying and looking at 1 bedroom apartments just trying to find something. We may be going to Dallas tomorrow to look at some of these apartments and to also pay for school. That's another thing- School has to be completely paid for by Wednesday. This is crazy-I have to move in about 15 days. I have no place to live, but of course there is the option my father told me. He said I could just live under a bridge because that way rent would be free and I would have some neighbors. Well I'm off to look some more for a home. If any of you know of someone that lives in the Richardson/Addison/Plano area that has like a mother-in-law house or a room above a garage or knows of a good apartment-ANYTHING!! Please let me know!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
ACCEPTED!
Well I'm not very good at this whole blogging thing yet, but hopefully I will soon be.
The news from today is that I HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED TO UT DALLAS FOR THE FALL SEMESTER!!!! I'm super excited it you cannot tell. I was at work this afternoon when my mom called me and said that I had received a letter from UT Dallas' Office of Admission and Enrollment. I knew she really couldn't wait to know what it said (and honestly neither could I) so I asked her to open it for me. I heard her threw the phone as the opened the letter and then yelled, "You're In" Since that moment I haven't been able to quit smiling or think of anything else. The really cool thing is is that just an hour before my mom called me I began to look in Kilgore's list of classes for the fall. I started praying to God saying that I really didn't want to go to Kilgore again, but if thats where He needed me to be I would go. If that was where I needed to be I prayed that I would have a happy heart because I knew I wouldn't be happy about it at first. I was starting to feel peace about it then my mom called me with the awesome news.
I don't know much more than I will be moving to Dallas sometime in August.
I serve an amazing God. He got me into this school, he and he alone will provide for these new needs that come along with this new college. I'm very excited to see where God takes me in this new chapter of my life:)
The news from today is that I HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED TO UT DALLAS FOR THE FALL SEMESTER!!!! I'm super excited it you cannot tell. I was at work this afternoon when my mom called me and said that I had received a letter from UT Dallas' Office of Admission and Enrollment. I knew she really couldn't wait to know what it said (and honestly neither could I) so I asked her to open it for me. I heard her threw the phone as the opened the letter and then yelled, "You're In" Since that moment I haven't been able to quit smiling or think of anything else. The really cool thing is is that just an hour before my mom called me I began to look in Kilgore's list of classes for the fall. I started praying to God saying that I really didn't want to go to Kilgore again, but if thats where He needed me to be I would go. If that was where I needed to be I prayed that I would have a happy heart because I knew I wouldn't be happy about it at first. I was starting to feel peace about it then my mom called me with the awesome news.
I don't know much more than I will be moving to Dallas sometime in August.
I serve an amazing God. He got me into this school, he and he alone will provide for these new needs that come along with this new college. I'm very excited to see where God takes me in this new chapter of my life:)
Sunday, May 23, 2010
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