“I bend to sweep crumbs and I bend to wipe vomit and I bend to pick up little ones and wipe away tears. I bend over a big pot of stew and I bend to fold endless laundry and I bend over math books and spelling sentences and history quiz corrections. And at the end of these days I bend next to the bed and I ask only that I could bend more, bend lower. Because I serve a Savior who came to be a servant. He lived bent low. And bent down here is where I see His face. He lived, only to die. Could I? Die to self and just break open for love. This Savior, His one purpose to spend Himself on behalf of messy us. Will I spend myself on behalf of those in front of me? And people say, 'Don’t you get tired?' and yes, I do. But I’m face to face with Jesus in the dirt, and the more I bend the harder and better and fuller this life gets. And sure, we are tired, but oh we are happy. Because bent down low is where we find fullness of Joy. We have been so loved. The only thing we know to do with that love is give it away."
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Where we find fullness of Joy...
I was reading a blog this morning by an amazing girl who is my age and is living in Ethiopia raising 12 girls as her own children! What I read was such a good reminder of how we should be serving Christ-with all that we have.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Summer 2011...What God has been doing...
Why is it that the two times God has told me I would be moving my first reaction is complaining? After I get over the "I don't want to" and move it turns into the biggest blessing! First time obedience is something my parents were very strict on when I was growing up! Why would it be any different with my heavenly father? When called or told to do something-do it right away with a happy heart. I didn't want to move to Dallas last August and then in May I wasn't too excited about moving back to Longview.
Moving back to Longview in May I knew I would be coming back to this small town where I grew up and I would be taking 2 summer classes at the community college, but that's all I knew would be going on. Below is the journey I have been on since returning home for the summer:
May 15-Left Dallas, Back to Longview! I no longer have a room at my parent’s house. The moment I walked out and moved to Dallas in August my brother, Josh, claimed my room as his own. So this begins the battle of siblings-a 21 year old girl and an 18 year old boy -sharing a room. We both have our stuff in the room, but we switch off who gets to sleep on the bed and who gets the couch out in the game room. Our room is funny to me, but we make it work! We have the weight bench, Josh's guns on the gun rack on the wall, my books on the shelves, my paintings with zebra print on the walls, his gun cleaning tools on the desk, and both of our clothes in the closet. Sharing! Great way to share with your little brother!
May 25-I had been home for 10 days. Not too much going on. I got to spend time with all my kids that I use to take care of! They are all growing up so fast! I also realized how much faster of a pace Dallas has than Longview. Everyone here is so laid-back.
We were getting ready to leave and be on our way to North Carolina for a wedding (let me just say here that I love our family road trips. We never fly anywhere-always drive. Never a dull moment on these trips, especially when you have 2 brothers and parents like mine!) We were loading the last of the bags in the van when my mom's phone rang. News that wasn't good was what she heard from the other end. A cousin of ours had overdosed and was in the hospital getting their stomach pumped with charcoal. I was scared! Someone I loved very much was hurting so bad. Questions like--What if it was too late? What if they didn't make it?--began to run through my head. I am pleased to announce that God, the great physician, saved the day and my cousin is doing better. Scars are still on their wrists and ankles from the cutting that also took place along with the overdose. As I sat in the car for those 13 hours, my cousin is who I thought about and prayed for for most of the trip. I now wear a bracelet that says "To Write Love On Her Arms." This bracelet reminds me of what happened to my cousin and to pray! Pray for all the people who think cutting is a way out of their current situation. I am very strongly considering also getting LOVE tattooed on my wrist so I will always have that reminder with me.
In June a friend of mine was deployed. We grew up together and he was my best friend for quite some time. Lots of prayers have been sent up for his protection as he is overseas fighting for our freedom.
Also in June I was introduced to an awesome, awesome ministry! Their mission is "to reach out to teens and young women in a crisis pregnancy situation; to provide an alternative to abortion such as adoption or parenting; to develop better decision-making, life, and parenting skills; to further education; to build stronger belief and understanding of the family; to glorify God and share His word and answers for today’s world." I love getting to go and hang out with these awesome girls. I love hearing their stories and their plans. I was introduced by my friend Kara. These girls are so strong and so brave! I go there once a week for a few hours with Kara and we just hang out with the girls. We do crafts or just hangout and talk. This week I went alone and got to spend time with a girl who just placed her baby. As we sat there doing our craft of making rag dolls to be sent to babies who had already been placed in their forever home, I saw the name of her baby she had just placed the day before sitting on a pile of clothe for the dolls to be made. She asked me, "Will you make the rag doll for my baby for me?" With tears building up in my eyes I said, "Yes." That was all I could get to come out of my mouth. Then she sat there watching me. I had to get up a few times to go and wipe my eyes before the tears could be seen. As we sat there she told me about her baby, the color of her hair and eyes, what she looked like. There was Joy in this mothers eyes and she talked about the sweet baby who just the day before she was holding. Through this experience with these girls it has been placed on my heart that someday I too will be able open up my home to girls who need a place to go. My heart is for these girls who have placed their babies and have nowhere else to go. My dream is to have a place to stay for at least one girl at a time! I want to help them, so there will be a less likelihood of them repeating. Most of these girls have aged out of the foster system. And that is another thing...I would really like to adopt a girl who is about to age out of the foster system. NO ONE deserves to have nowhere to go for Thanksgiving or Christmas or someone to call when they are having a bad day! Once kids age out of the system, that is usually what happens. If I can save at least one kid from this, I would count that as a success.
I have been through many storms this summer with friends! Our world is hurting! They need to be encouraged and loved on more than ever! We need to step up!
This is the verse I am praying for my friends and family who are going through so much right now:
I am about to move back to Dallas in 22 days and I will be finishing my Junior/Starting Senior year of college. I’m excited about this new journey. I have spent some time this summer with some SLP friends who work in a hospital here and I am learning so much! It brings me so much joy watching what they do knowing that one day I too will be able to help these sick people who are in the hospital. With Christ by my side I may be able to help a few people tell their family members “I love you” once again and help them regain confidence in their speech and ability to take care of themselves.
Well…This is what I have been doing this summer. I thank God for all of it! Even the hard times! “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
Love you all
--Becky
Moving back to Longview in May I knew I would be coming back to this small town where I grew up and I would be taking 2 summer classes at the community college, but that's all I knew would be going on. Below is the journey I have been on since returning home for the summer:
May 15-Left Dallas, Back to Longview! I no longer have a room at my parent’s house. The moment I walked out and moved to Dallas in August my brother, Josh, claimed my room as his own. So this begins the battle of siblings-a 21 year old girl and an 18 year old boy -sharing a room. We both have our stuff in the room, but we switch off who gets to sleep on the bed and who gets the couch out in the game room. Our room is funny to me, but we make it work! We have the weight bench, Josh's guns on the gun rack on the wall, my books on the shelves, my paintings with zebra print on the walls, his gun cleaning tools on the desk, and both of our clothes in the closet. Sharing! Great way to share with your little brother!
May 25-I had been home for 10 days. Not too much going on. I got to spend time with all my kids that I use to take care of! They are all growing up so fast! I also realized how much faster of a pace Dallas has than Longview. Everyone here is so laid-back.
We were getting ready to leave and be on our way to North Carolina for a wedding (let me just say here that I love our family road trips. We never fly anywhere-always drive. Never a dull moment on these trips, especially when you have 2 brothers and parents like mine!) We were loading the last of the bags in the van when my mom's phone rang. News that wasn't good was what she heard from the other end. A cousin of ours had overdosed and was in the hospital getting their stomach pumped with charcoal. I was scared! Someone I loved very much was hurting so bad. Questions like--What if it was too late? What if they didn't make it?--began to run through my head. I am pleased to announce that God, the great physician, saved the day and my cousin is doing better. Scars are still on their wrists and ankles from the cutting that also took place along with the overdose. As I sat in the car for those 13 hours, my cousin is who I thought about and prayed for for most of the trip. I now wear a bracelet that says "To Write Love On Her Arms." This bracelet reminds me of what happened to my cousin and to pray! Pray for all the people who think cutting is a way out of their current situation. I am very strongly considering also getting LOVE tattooed on my wrist so I will always have that reminder with me.
In June a friend of mine was deployed. We grew up together and he was my best friend for quite some time. Lots of prayers have been sent up for his protection as he is overseas fighting for our freedom.
Also in June I was introduced to an awesome, awesome ministry! Their mission is "to reach out to teens and young women in a crisis pregnancy situation; to provide an alternative to abortion such as adoption or parenting; to develop better decision-making, life, and parenting skills; to further education; to build stronger belief and understanding of the family; to glorify God and share His word and answers for today’s world." I love getting to go and hang out with these awesome girls. I love hearing their stories and their plans. I was introduced by my friend Kara. These girls are so strong and so brave! I go there once a week for a few hours with Kara and we just hang out with the girls. We do crafts or just hangout and talk. This week I went alone and got to spend time with a girl who just placed her baby. As we sat there doing our craft of making rag dolls to be sent to babies who had already been placed in their forever home, I saw the name of her baby she had just placed the day before sitting on a pile of clothe for the dolls to be made. She asked me, "Will you make the rag doll for my baby for me?" With tears building up in my eyes I said, "Yes." That was all I could get to come out of my mouth. Then she sat there watching me. I had to get up a few times to go and wipe my eyes before the tears could be seen. As we sat there she told me about her baby, the color of her hair and eyes, what she looked like. There was Joy in this mothers eyes and she talked about the sweet baby who just the day before she was holding. Through this experience with these girls it has been placed on my heart that someday I too will be able open up my home to girls who need a place to go. My heart is for these girls who have placed their babies and have nowhere else to go. My dream is to have a place to stay for at least one girl at a time! I want to help them, so there will be a less likelihood of them repeating. Most of these girls have aged out of the foster system. And that is another thing...I would really like to adopt a girl who is about to age out of the foster system. NO ONE deserves to have nowhere to go for Thanksgiving or Christmas or someone to call when they are having a bad day! Once kids age out of the system, that is usually what happens. If I can save at least one kid from this, I would count that as a success.
I have been through many storms this summer with friends! Our world is hurting! They need to be encouraged and loved on more than ever! We need to step up!
This is the verse I am praying for my friends and family who are going through so much right now:
2 Corinthians 12:9-10… “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness. Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.”
I am about to move back to Dallas in 22 days and I will be finishing my Junior/Starting Senior year of college. I’m excited about this new journey. I have spent some time this summer with some SLP friends who work in a hospital here and I am learning so much! It brings me so much joy watching what they do knowing that one day I too will be able to help these sick people who are in the hospital. With Christ by my side I may be able to help a few people tell their family members “I love you” once again and help them regain confidence in their speech and ability to take care of themselves.
Well…This is what I have been doing this summer. I thank God for all of it! Even the hard times! “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
Love you all
--Becky
Friday, May 6, 2011
Tears seem to keep running down my face these last few days. Reason for the tears?? CHANGE. FEAR. I have never been good with change. This is something that the Lord has really been working on in me since moving here to Dallas. I like having everything planned out and those plans going through, but they aren't my plans. They are HIS plans! Control. Need to quit trying to control situations. Also don't like good byes, even if they are just see you laters! I've already had to say bye to a few friends and it breaks my heart! More See ya laters coming next week:(
In 9 days I will be making the trip back to Longview for the summer. I will be living with my parents and brothers once again. CHANGE. Leaving the place that has become home. I have started my own life here. What if my friends here forget about me? What if someone takes my place in their lives? I know this sounds retarded! But its the truth! I often have this fear that people will no longer know or love me, but that's not important! That shouldn't even be a thought! MAKE IT A GOAL-HE INCREASES, I DECREASE IN OTHERS LIVES! It doesn't matter if tomorrow anyone remembers a Becky Auran, but they should know Christ and the love that he freely gives. His love is perfect! Not worrying if so-and-so will remember me...NOT IMPORTANT! Let fear and control GO!
Leaving behind my church friends who have become my family-Robert, Charme, Missy, Ryan, Chelsea, Ashley, Josh, Lindsey, Jessica, Linda, Chris, Taylor, Jason, Gabe, Jose, Larry, and Robert. I'm going to miss each of you! And remember--YOU HAVE TO COME TO LONGVIEW TO SEE ME! Thank you for all the time you have each spent pouring into my life since I first walked into Town North that Wednesday night in August! LOVE YOU ALL! Happy to know that when I return in July you will all be here and we will all live close to each other!
UTD School friends...I'm going to miss our cry sessions and our "study" times. We are almost done with school! Soon we will have the opportunity to apply to grad school TOGETHER! So thankful for each of you!
I'm excited to be able to spend time at home. In longview I get to spend time with my family, I get to see all the kids I use to take care of-spend time with them before they too move off and go to college:), I get to be out of the fast life of the city for a short time and just slow down for a while.
Here we go...let the new Journey Begin!
In 9 days I will be making the trip back to Longview for the summer. I will be living with my parents and brothers once again. CHANGE. Leaving the place that has become home. I have started my own life here. What if my friends here forget about me? What if someone takes my place in their lives? I know this sounds retarded! But its the truth! I often have this fear that people will no longer know or love me, but that's not important! That shouldn't even be a thought! MAKE IT A GOAL-HE INCREASES, I DECREASE IN OTHERS LIVES! It doesn't matter if tomorrow anyone remembers a Becky Auran, but they should know Christ and the love that he freely gives. His love is perfect! Not worrying if so-and-so will remember me...NOT IMPORTANT! Let fear and control GO!
Leaving behind my church friends who have become my family-Robert, Charme, Missy, Ryan, Chelsea, Ashley, Josh, Lindsey, Jessica, Linda, Chris, Taylor, Jason, Gabe, Jose, Larry, and Robert. I'm going to miss each of you! And remember--YOU HAVE TO COME TO LONGVIEW TO SEE ME! Thank you for all the time you have each spent pouring into my life since I first walked into Town North that Wednesday night in August! LOVE YOU ALL! Happy to know that when I return in July you will all be here and we will all live close to each other!
UTD School friends...I'm going to miss our cry sessions and our "study" times. We are almost done with school! Soon we will have the opportunity to apply to grad school TOGETHER! So thankful for each of you!
I'm excited to be able to spend time at home. In longview I get to spend time with my family, I get to see all the kids I use to take care of-spend time with them before they too move off and go to college:), I get to be out of the fast life of the city for a short time and just slow down for a while.
Here we go...let the new Journey Begin!
Monday, January 24, 2011
My Bucket List...
I've heard several people talking about their bucket lists this week and so I decided its time for me to share mine...its not complete, as new things come up and as God changes my heart and points me to new things I'm sure things will be added. So here are the first 35, not in any specific order...
1. Go to all 50 states
2. Adopt at least one child
3. Learn Spanish
4. Have a flower garden so I will always have fresh flowers
5. Learn how to play the guitar
6. Mentor Someone
7. Get into Grad School
8. Receive Masters in Communication Disorders
9. Become a Speech Pathologist at a hospital
10. Build a house with Habitat for Humanity
11. Watch turtles hatch and rush to the ocean
12. Go on a cruise
13. Go to the Summer Olympics to watch
14. Learn how to decorate cakes
15. Go to Alaska and Fish Alaskan Salmon
16. Out shoot all the boys in my family at a gun range
17. Learn to say hello in 25 different Languages
18. Design and Build my dream house
19. Go on Mission Trip with Mercy Ships after graduation
20. See Northern Lights
21. Go Snowmobiling
22. Ride in a hot air balloon
23. Get a tattoo
24. Catch a foul ball at a baseball game
25. Write in journal everyday for a year
26. Go to a NFL game
27. Go to a NBA game
28. Learn not to blame self during arguments just because its easier
29. Go to Kenya-African Safari
30. Go to Orphanages in Haiti, Uganda and Ethiopia
31. Start a church
32. Run a 10k
33. Learn how to take compliments
34. Adopt an animal from the shelter
35. Own a big house so children who are hurting, abandoned, have disabilities, and just need some where to call home can come and know that they are loved!
1. Go to all 50 states
2. Adopt at least one child
3. Learn Spanish
4. Have a flower garden so I will always have fresh flowers
5. Learn how to play the guitar
6. Mentor Someone
7. Get into Grad School
8. Receive Masters in Communication Disorders
9. Become a Speech Pathologist at a hospital
10. Build a house with Habitat for Humanity
11. Watch turtles hatch and rush to the ocean
12. Go on a cruise
13. Go to the Summer Olympics to watch
14. Learn how to decorate cakes
15. Go to Alaska and Fish Alaskan Salmon
16. Out shoot all the boys in my family at a gun range
17. Learn to say hello in 25 different Languages
18. Design and Build my dream house
19. Go on Mission Trip with Mercy Ships after graduation
20. See Northern Lights
21. Go Snowmobiling
22. Ride in a hot air balloon
23. Get a tattoo
24. Catch a foul ball at a baseball game
25. Write in journal everyday for a year
26. Go to a NFL game
27. Go to a NBA game
28. Learn not to blame self during arguments just because its easier
29. Go to Kenya-African Safari
30. Go to Orphanages in Haiti, Uganda and Ethiopia
31. Start a church
32. Run a 10k
33. Learn how to take compliments
34. Adopt an animal from the shelter
35. Own a big house so children who are hurting, abandoned, have disabilities, and just need some where to call home can come and know that they are loved!
Monday, January 3, 2011
Closing Thoughts of 2010...
2010 was one strange, yet amazing year for me! I learned so much about myself, grew spiritually, and made many new friends.
January-February...Started my last semester at Kilgore College. I coached basketball like I have done since my knee injury and could no longer play.
March...changed my major from Occupational Therapy to Speech Pathology and decided to try to get into UTD.
April-June...All I remember from those months is that I was going to school and working full time and I was always super tired! I was also trying to be patient for my acceptance letter from UTD to come...wondering if I would still be living in Longview or moving to Dallas in the Fall.
July...Summer Time! I am going to bootcamp at 5am then working 10am-10pm...not so fun! My acceptance letter finally comes! Guess I'm moving to Dallas next month...moving to a place where I know NO ONE!
August...packing up, getting ready to leave everything I've ever known behind. I remember thinking that I would make no friends and I would be all alone! HAHAHA! I moved to Dallas on a Tuesday and on Wednesday God brought me to an awesome group of people.
September...loving school and new friends and the new city! Maybe this small town girl could really like living in the city? Also good friends tell me that they will be adopting a little boy from Korea! Im so excited for them!!
October...turning 21!
November...Kylie Rebecca is adopted!:)
December...First semester at UTD is complete!
January-February...Started my last semester at Kilgore College. I coached basketball like I have done since my knee injury and could no longer play.
March...changed my major from Occupational Therapy to Speech Pathology and decided to try to get into UTD.
April-June...All I remember from those months is that I was going to school and working full time and I was always super tired! I was also trying to be patient for my acceptance letter from UTD to come...wondering if I would still be living in Longview or moving to Dallas in the Fall.
July...Summer Time! I am going to bootcamp at 5am then working 10am-10pm...not so fun! My acceptance letter finally comes! Guess I'm moving to Dallas next month...moving to a place where I know NO ONE!
August...packing up, getting ready to leave everything I've ever known behind. I remember thinking that I would make no friends and I would be all alone! HAHAHA! I moved to Dallas on a Tuesday and on Wednesday God brought me to an awesome group of people.
September...loving school and new friends and the new city! Maybe this small town girl could really like living in the city? Also good friends tell me that they will be adopting a little boy from Korea! Im so excited for them!!
October...turning 21!
November...Kylie Rebecca is adopted!:)
December...First semester at UTD is complete!
Friday, December 10, 2010
Live life on purpose. Intentional about loving people with the love of Christ.
Yes, this post is long, but it’s awesome to see how God works on people’s hearts! I’ve been working on writing this since November and it’s taken me a while to get it kind of the way I want it. It’s not perfect, but I’m ready to share it. *For the protection of the people that I’m writing about I’m using code names, just in case someone stumbles upon my blog*
You know those people who think that life is all about them? That once was me. NO ONE could tell me different. Life was about me, everyone around me was there to serve me! That is so awful…How could I have thought that?...Lord, please bless my parents for all the crap I put them though during that time of my extremely selfish life!...Life is most definitely NOT about me! It’s about Him-- about Knowing, Loving, Serving and Sharing about Him! At the age of 13 was when I first realized that I had this problem of self…My cousin, Cesly(she was 7), came to live with me and my family for 18 months. I had always been the only daughter and I didn’t want another little girl in my house. I had never had to share my room or share my daddy with another girl other than my mom. I was daddy’s princess and very slowly I had to learn that sometimes you are called by God to do some things you really don’t want to do. My parents kept telling me that life wasn’t all about me. Life is about helping others out who have nothing. I didn’t want to hear that! I wanted nothing to do with her, I saw her as a threat, another girl trying to take over my castle. Right before my cousin left though, I watched as the walls I built up, my castle, crumbled down. I realized this very important thing… LIFE IS NOT ABOUT ME!! My cousin was living with us because her home life was horrible and she needed a safe place to live. BECKY! What were you thinking?!? You had 18 months to be a light to your cousin and instead you shut down! What the heck is that about?!? At that moment I decided that would never happen again! I had already failed to help one child that desperately needed me and I promised from that moment on I would help as many kids as possible. This is when I made the choice that one day I would adopt! I would help the kids who no one cared for, the ones who are forgotten, the ones that have never been loved, never hugged, who have never seen what a family is suppose to look like! I felt like a failure after my cousin left, actually I STILL feel like I failed her and it’s been 8 years!
I’ve learned a lot about foster care and adoption from my second family, The C’s. They are AMAZING people who have 3 kids of their own…C1, C2, and C3. In August of 2009 they became foster parents. Goal: To care for the invisible orphans, the kids people had given up on, to give these kids a better legacy! Since August they have had 5 children come into their home, 3 boys and 2 girls. I’ve fallen in love with each of them! It broke my heart when the 3 that have gone back to their families left. I remember when the first boy, baby A, left I felt like my heart was being yanked out. How could God bring this sweet baby to us and then take him away? BECAUSE this sweet baby needed to be with someone other than his family for a little while so his parents could figure things out. After I realized this, I was a little better. I’m not saying it was easy to watch the other 2 boys leave at all. I’ll admit it…I cried for a few hours as each of them left, but you know what…they left better than they came! How awesome is that? We made a difference! A difference I should have made in my cousins life, but I failed to do so. Each child is a gift from God and their life matters! I found that I can make a difference as long as I rely on God for help. “I’m only one. But still, I am one. I cannot do everything but still, I can do something, I will not refuse to do the something I can do.” –Edward Everett Hale
Something else I’ve learned through this foster care journey is that it comes with many fears, frustrations, and MANY heart breaks! After each of the boys left I realized that there was another child out there that would soon need help. Unfortunately that also means that another family somewhere was falling apart. Children who may have never been loved, cared for, or even been given a second thought to would soon be coming. When a child would leave we would all guess how long it would take before OUR new baby would arrive, would it be a boy or a girl and how old would it be? Something I love about this is that we never knew until the call came. God always picked out the cutest kids for the C’s! I loved every moment that I was allowed to spend with them. I loved the strange looks I would get from people when I was walking around a store or taking one of the older kids to soccer practice if I had all 5 kids with me. No people, I did not have 5 children before the age of 20! It always made me laugh, especially if I had C1 (who is only 7 years younger than me). I love all these kids! The wonderful thing about Foster care is that it sometimes turns into Adoption! We got to experience this Joy in November, 1 year, 1 month and 12 days after Ky was placed in the family, Kylie Rebecca was adopted! That was one of the best days of my life by far! When Mom K called me and told me the date that Kylie would be adopted I KNEW I had to be there! I was at the C’s house the day the case worker brought Kylie. She was only 4 weeks old and so tiny! C2 and I were so excited about this new little girl that we had to go shopping right away! Almost everything we got was pink! We decided that Kylie would need bows that were the size of her head and shoes that were so tiny and cute that we had to get them. Kylie has been well dressed since the day she came that is for sure!...Back to adoption day…I had gone to Longview for the weekend that I thought would consist of going to the court house and celebrate this sweet baby’s new last name. Little did I know that Ky would also have a new middle name-Rebecca. I had no clue until the judge said Kylie Rebecca C and the C’s turned around and pointed to me that Kylie shared a name with me! I was in shock! It was so cool and in that moment of shock God pointed something out to me…I wasn’t a failure with Kylie. I realized that I hadn’t messed up like I had with my cousin when I had the chance. I was actually there for her when she needed me the most. I had done what I promised 8 years ago that I would do. I know that now I am 8 years older than I was when my cousin lived with us, so I would hope I'm a little smarter than I was back then, but its still cool how God worked on my heart.
Most people that know me know that I love when stories can be put together and there is symbolism. So here is what God put together...My uncle is black and my aunt is white, just like Ky’s biological parents so these 2 girls look a lot alike. Cesly and Kylie have the same skin and eye color. I realized this when I looked at a picture of Kylie I have in my room the other day. I’m so thankful for that little girl and all the C’s. I’m even more thankful that God gave me a second chance to make a small difference in another little girls life! One that even looks similar to my cousin!
Ive found a few scriptures that really say what I want to say…
Adoption is the reason that we can come before God’s throne and beg him for mercy, because He predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will…Ephesians 1:5. To the praise of His glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One He loves…Ephesians 1:6.
Adoption is beautiful. Adoption is hard. Adoption is the Gospel of Christ and the promise of Gods love and redemption lived out in our lives.
Adopting children isn’t optional for me. It’s not going to be my good deed of the day, it’s not going to be what I’m doing to “help these poor kids out.” I’ll adopt because God commands me to care for the orphans and widows in their distress…James1:27.I’ll adopt because everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded…Luke 12:48. I’ll adopt because whoever wants to save a life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it…Matthew 16:25.
You know those people who think that life is all about them? That once was me. NO ONE could tell me different. Life was about me, everyone around me was there to serve me! That is so awful…How could I have thought that?...Lord, please bless my parents for all the crap I put them though during that time of my extremely selfish life!...Life is most definitely NOT about me! It’s about Him-- about Knowing, Loving, Serving and Sharing about Him! At the age of 13 was when I first realized that I had this problem of self…My cousin, Cesly(she was 7), came to live with me and my family for 18 months. I had always been the only daughter and I didn’t want another little girl in my house. I had never had to share my room or share my daddy with another girl other than my mom. I was daddy’s princess and very slowly I had to learn that sometimes you are called by God to do some things you really don’t want to do. My parents kept telling me that life wasn’t all about me. Life is about helping others out who have nothing. I didn’t want to hear that! I wanted nothing to do with her, I saw her as a threat, another girl trying to take over my castle. Right before my cousin left though, I watched as the walls I built up, my castle, crumbled down. I realized this very important thing… LIFE IS NOT ABOUT ME!! My cousin was living with us because her home life was horrible and she needed a safe place to live. BECKY! What were you thinking?!? You had 18 months to be a light to your cousin and instead you shut down! What the heck is that about?!? At that moment I decided that would never happen again! I had already failed to help one child that desperately needed me and I promised from that moment on I would help as many kids as possible. This is when I made the choice that one day I would adopt! I would help the kids who no one cared for, the ones who are forgotten, the ones that have never been loved, never hugged, who have never seen what a family is suppose to look like! I felt like a failure after my cousin left, actually I STILL feel like I failed her and it’s been 8 years!
I’ve learned a lot about foster care and adoption from my second family, The C’s. They are AMAZING people who have 3 kids of their own…C1, C2, and C3. In August of 2009 they became foster parents. Goal: To care for the invisible orphans, the kids people had given up on, to give these kids a better legacy! Since August they have had 5 children come into their home, 3 boys and 2 girls. I’ve fallen in love with each of them! It broke my heart when the 3 that have gone back to their families left. I remember when the first boy, baby A, left I felt like my heart was being yanked out. How could God bring this sweet baby to us and then take him away? BECAUSE this sweet baby needed to be with someone other than his family for a little while so his parents could figure things out. After I realized this, I was a little better. I’m not saying it was easy to watch the other 2 boys leave at all. I’ll admit it…I cried for a few hours as each of them left, but you know what…they left better than they came! How awesome is that? We made a difference! A difference I should have made in my cousins life, but I failed to do so. Each child is a gift from God and their life matters! I found that I can make a difference as long as I rely on God for help. “I’m only one. But still, I am one. I cannot do everything but still, I can do something, I will not refuse to do the something I can do.” –Edward Everett Hale
Something else I’ve learned through this foster care journey is that it comes with many fears, frustrations, and MANY heart breaks! After each of the boys left I realized that there was another child out there that would soon need help. Unfortunately that also means that another family somewhere was falling apart. Children who may have never been loved, cared for, or even been given a second thought to would soon be coming. When a child would leave we would all guess how long it would take before OUR new baby would arrive, would it be a boy or a girl and how old would it be? Something I love about this is that we never knew until the call came. God always picked out the cutest kids for the C’s! I loved every moment that I was allowed to spend with them. I loved the strange looks I would get from people when I was walking around a store or taking one of the older kids to soccer practice if I had all 5 kids with me. No people, I did not have 5 children before the age of 20! It always made me laugh, especially if I had C1 (who is only 7 years younger than me). I love all these kids! The wonderful thing about Foster care is that it sometimes turns into Adoption! We got to experience this Joy in November, 1 year, 1 month and 12 days after Ky was placed in the family, Kylie Rebecca was adopted! That was one of the best days of my life by far! When Mom K called me and told me the date that Kylie would be adopted I KNEW I had to be there! I was at the C’s house the day the case worker brought Kylie. She was only 4 weeks old and so tiny! C2 and I were so excited about this new little girl that we had to go shopping right away! Almost everything we got was pink! We decided that Kylie would need bows that were the size of her head and shoes that were so tiny and cute that we had to get them. Kylie has been well dressed since the day she came that is for sure!...Back to adoption day…I had gone to Longview for the weekend that I thought would consist of going to the court house and celebrate this sweet baby’s new last name. Little did I know that Ky would also have a new middle name-Rebecca. I had no clue until the judge said Kylie Rebecca C and the C’s turned around and pointed to me that Kylie shared a name with me! I was in shock! It was so cool and in that moment of shock God pointed something out to me…I wasn’t a failure with Kylie. I realized that I hadn’t messed up like I had with my cousin when I had the chance. I was actually there for her when she needed me the most. I had done what I promised 8 years ago that I would do. I know that now I am 8 years older than I was when my cousin lived with us, so I would hope I'm a little smarter than I was back then, but its still cool how God worked on my heart.
Most people that know me know that I love when stories can be put together and there is symbolism. So here is what God put together...My uncle is black and my aunt is white, just like Ky’s biological parents so these 2 girls look a lot alike. Cesly and Kylie have the same skin and eye color. I realized this when I looked at a picture of Kylie I have in my room the other day. I’m so thankful for that little girl and all the C’s. I’m even more thankful that God gave me a second chance to make a small difference in another little girls life! One that even looks similar to my cousin!
Ive found a few scriptures that really say what I want to say…
Adoption is the reason that we can come before God’s throne and beg him for mercy, because He predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will…Ephesians 1:5. To the praise of His glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One He loves…Ephesians 1:6.
Adoption is beautiful. Adoption is hard. Adoption is the Gospel of Christ and the promise of Gods love and redemption lived out in our lives.
Adopting children isn’t optional for me. It’s not going to be my good deed of the day, it’s not going to be what I’m doing to “help these poor kids out.” I’ll adopt because God commands me to care for the orphans and widows in their distress…James1:27.I’ll adopt because everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded…Luke 12:48. I’ll adopt because whoever wants to save a life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it…Matthew 16:25.
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